Matt and I went to the church together this morning, and we told the pastor about our three-month break.
This sounded insane. Three month, no meeting, contacting, talking, texting…But we have to do it. To so many degrees this must be done. I stared into his unfathomable, mesmerizing blue eyes, and I said “embrace your new life”, while deep down I knew I am also embracing mine. We stood so close as I felt our souls didn’t want to depart. But I have to make it to the audition on time… I have to leave.
Later on when I got back home, I become so sad. I missed him, and I thought “fuck, why can we just get married?”I wanted to send him a text message, but immediately I knew that’s gonna be a very bad idea.
I may just need to live in my silent void and let my thoughts flow.
Then I came across this scripture –
Therefore we do not lose heart, though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we re being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what’s seen, but on what is not seen, sine what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. – 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18
This instantly lighted up my world. I shouldn’t be focused on the troubles and problems now, I shouldn’t be sad, because God loves me and he’s calling me to take this break.
I pray to Lord that you will guide me through this three months and show me where I should go, draw me closer to you and show me what I should choose, show me the differences between me and him, give me the light. Lord I pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.