自讨苦吃

I’m standing on the subway, typing on my phone and a surrounded by strange faces, and my own comfort bubble. This is how I look like without stress – the observer. I feel comfortable living in my little world.

I remember Sophie said ” don’t ever let a man get you”. Well, at this moment, I cannot agree more.

I ask myself, what are you seeking for? The love you found has always ended up with sorrow and pain. Is that the life you want to end up with? There’s no way you can live like this.
The empty feeling is irreplaceable. What’s replaceable is that person.
And this is what happened when that person becomes irreplaceable. We use the same email, we have the same Apple products, iPhone, iPad, MacBook Air and even the colour is the same.

My fourth account. This is like an addiction. Very very bad addiction. But I cannot get enough of it. Life is an adventure. It is the price the epicures pay for themselves. Epicures are pleasure seeking and gluttons for experience and enjoyment. They are optimistic, active and energetic. They see multiple options and have difficulty with commitments, they do not want limits.

Funny enough, while I try to understand others as much as I can, I don’t even understand myself. And now, as I could finally look at all the things I did, many of them become understandable.

For the past week, when I’m alone, I was either eating or crying. ..

He said the age difference between me and him is even bigger than me and his son. He said he knew that I’m young, but he never expected me to be SO young. Oh, I miss his capital letters..

But what he meant is there’s no possibilities between us.

I’ll either leave my boyfriend or I’ll suffer from this pain. Maybe I should change my job, move to another city, and start a life of myself. Yes, I really should.

Thinking of his lost look. His lost look and his smile.

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